Bella Cullen (
vampire_shield) wrote in
all_inclusive2014-03-15 10:41 am
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The problem with being a vampire, Bella thought as she surveyed the two uprooted trees and pile of kindling at her feet, was that there wasn't ever a break. Maybe the pent up anger, frustration and sadness wouldn't have been as intense if she could have just slept. Just a few hours away from it to reboot or reset herself.
She remembered Carlisle telling her once that vampires felt things more completely, that just as their vision and hearing and speed were enhanced, their emotions were, too. Considering the state she was in now, even days after meeting Adrian, she was pretty sure she knew why. There was no relief from it, just day after day, night after night of dwelling on it.
Today she'd decided to go to her forest, to run, to hunt. To see if she could find something to distract her expanded mind, to get away from seeing that face across the hotel and experiencing the same dashed hope that this time it wasn't someone else.
The run had helped a little, pummeling a few trees to kindling had, too.
But even now as she walked back to her room with twigs in her hair, she knew it probably wouldn't last.
She remembered Carlisle telling her once that vampires felt things more completely, that just as their vision and hearing and speed were enhanced, their emotions were, too. Considering the state she was in now, even days after meeting Adrian, she was pretty sure she knew why. There was no relief from it, just day after day, night after night of dwelling on it.
Today she'd decided to go to her forest, to run, to hunt. To see if she could find something to distract her expanded mind, to get away from seeing that face across the hotel and experiencing the same dashed hope that this time it wasn't someone else.
The run had helped a little, pummeling a few trees to kindling had, too.
But even now as she walked back to her room with twigs in her hair, she knew it probably wouldn't last.
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"Bella? Not so coiffed today?"
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She smiled, a little, but it was about as fake as a three dollar bill.
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"Is there a reason you're destroying forests?" It did not seem like Bella, who was normally very calm and even-keeled and Adam had a reason to be concerned. Was it bloodlust? Was she trying to tamp down her desire to kill humans by going into the woods and destroying things instead? It did not seem like Bella at all.
"Is everything okay?"
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The words died on her lips. She could lie easily now. There was no blush to give her away as long as she remembered to maintain eye contact and not look down. But she didn't want to lie, and mostly, she didn't want to lie to Adam.
"No," she said instead. "No, everything's about the opposite of all right as it's ever been since I came here."
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Adam frowned deeply, suddenly very concerned about Bella. While he might have had the inkling of feelings that were something more, above all, Bella was his friend and was the closest friend he had here in the hotel. He did not want to see her upset about anything and if it was anything he could help with, however small, he wanted to give it a try.
"Look, maybe we should go somewhere private? What about the greenhouse?"
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"But he's not Edward, I guess?" The idea of someone looking exactly like someone else but not being that person is foreign to Adam but he did not say anything about it. Part of who he was dictated that he did not immediately dismiss the unknown and, instead, tried to seek out answers to explain the inexplicable. Maybe this was just a test of those particular beliefs.
"Bella, I'm truly sorry. I know you miss him."
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"Is there anything I can do to get your mind off it? I'll do it," he promised. Bella was the dearest friend he had here and Adam felt like he owed it to her to do something to help cheer her up if he possibly could. Then again, how would he react if he'd seen a doppelganger of Cassie? Probably not well.
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Angel was a vampire anymore, though. He'd been demoted, rendered human because Wolfram & Hart wanted to make it as difficult as possible for him to fight back. Difficult, but not impossible. After bouncing back from quite literally bouncing off the pavement, Angel had proven that a little case of humanity wasn't going to keep him down. They could knock him around all they wanted, but he'd keep getting back up again.
The humanity was a burden, but it was his burden to bear, the price he paid for taking out the Circle of the Black Thorn. And selfishly, being human again, was worth being able to step out into the sun again. It was wonderful, even with the cloud cover. The sun and moon had both been out 24/7 in hell, making for a constant unpleasant air. The sky always felt heavy, dark where it was supposed to be light and vice versa. There hadn't been any novelty in that.
For a moment, he tipped his head back and basked in the feel of the warm rays against his pale skin, only faltering when footsteps approached from the direction of the woods.
He squinted into the light, holding a hand up over his eyes to shield them from the light. He made out the form of a girl around Dawn's age, spotting the twigs in her hair as she drew closer.
"You've still got some of the forest in your hair."
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Still, it was weird to find someone new here and at his comment, she reached up to her hair. Her arm hit a stray sunbeam and threw prisms against the surrounding trees.
"Thanks," she said and carded her fingers through her hair to try and remove them.
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"You're... welcome."
Whatever the sunlight had just done to her skin was unlike anything he'd ever seen before. It was beautiful, and practically demanded his attention. He couldn't help but stare.
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She noticed his stare and frowned a little. "Are you okay?"
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He wasn't going to assume anything.
"That shimmering thing you just did, was that make up or magic?"
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She zipped out of the beam's path and into full shade. "Sorry. I know it can be a little weird."
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"Can't is relative. There are ways around that, tricks and talismans... spells. Depends on what you know, what resources you have."
Like a magic ring he foolishly smashed to smithereens a few years ago. He went back and forth on whether he regretted his decision to get rid of it. Right now, while he was an ex-vampire wearing a thick coat of vampire glamour, the point was kind of moot.
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She considered the man before her. Everything in her senses told her he was human, but there was something about the way he talked. "You're not a vampire."
It wasn't a question, but it sounded like one.
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"Hey, Bella, everything all right?"
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"Yes, I'm fine," she answered, sounding a like she really wasn't. "How are you settling in?"
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Bella had made that a day a lot easier on Buffy. She was grateful to her for that.
It was obvious that Bella wasn't okay, but sometimes 'I'm fine' was the only thing that held a person together so she'd let Bella have that. She shrugged at Bella's question. "I'm okay. My sister is here and I'm figuring the doors out, figuring out how this place works. I still haven't found a door home, but that might be a good thing."
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And that was what had brought about her sudden dive into forestry - she was here alone, she wasn't going back, and her life in Forks was over. Once she accepted that, she demolished a few trees and decided to move on to making the best of this one.
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It would serve Bella better in the long run. Buffy had spent years wishing for a life that was more normal. It was only after she'd accepted that slayerdom was her life that she'd begun to be really happy.
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She gave a harsh little laugh, then shrugged. "The good part is, when they're friends they don't mind it so much."
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"I'm pretty sure that's what friendship is about, spreading the misery like peanut butter. Then it sticks to the roof of everyone's mouth and they can commiserate which somehow makes it better."
She nodded a little at the assessment. "Besides, they help you make some good memories and that makes the misery a little better too."
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