It just seems that upstream I keep rowing

[dayswithoutincident]

Manage your expectations. It's a simple enough concept, but one a lot of people struggle with, and Bruce Banner is no exception. There's a trick to it, of stepping apart from yourself and finding true objectivity, of having the strength to recognize your own weaknesses and strengths.

What Bruce hadn't realized until recently, however, was that when it came to his own life, expectations involving any degree of reasonable normalcy were so far removed that they might as well have been on another planet. Another planet in another universe, actually, but only if it was one about fifty trillion lightyears away and at least ten thousand years from producing anything resembling intelligent life.

At this point, Bruce isn't sure what reasonable expectations for the average person would even consist of, but he's pretty sure he can rule out accidentally tripping through wormholes to alternate dimensions. What he's also sure of is that it says a lot about him (and how much time he's been spending with Stark) that it hadn't shocked him much to step out of his bathroom and find himself at Pocket Universe Inn. He has colleagues who use robotic suits and giant hammers to fly; it's probably past time to redefine what 'normal' means.

Not that it didn't occur to him that he should probably be a little worried about the whole benevolent way station vibe of the place. There's apparently some kind of celestial philanthropist of unknown motive providing his room and board, but overall it's calm and quiet, and there are dozens of ways out. He hopes it doesn't come to it, but if all else fails, he can take a running leap into the abyss. It's more than he can say for where he came from.

This is his third day, and he's still deep in the thrall of new discovery, a quiet figure skirting awkwardly around other guests on his way outside. On the lawn he pauses, face upturned like a child. The view of the sky is still breathtaking, the infinite cosmos bending around their little island like a stream parting over a stone.

Comments

[dayswithoutincident]

Eyebrows arched in recognition, Bruce nods, his gaze drifting to the lawn. "I can relate to that," he says, and peeks up at the girl with another faint, sympathetic smile.

"So you're kind of stuck here out of necessity, but do you like it here?" he asked, squinting against the sunlight.

[shes_biochem]

She takes in a sharp breath and reminds herself that talking to Dr. Bruce Banner is an absolutely normal thing and she should rest on her own laurels of being an accomplished scientist with two PhDs. She tells herself that, but then she thinks about how she's speaking to a member of the Avengers and shrinks, slightly. "Well, until Fitz gets better, yes," she replies, finding words before she can find herself on a long tangent of inner-awe.

"I know it's probably asking too much, but I wouldn't mind getting an all clear from home, either," she adds.

[dayswithoutincident]

Mouth open to reply, Bruce falters instead, his expression pinched with uncertainty but eyes sharply curious. "Am I–" he begins, motioning from himself to her and back again with a tentative index finger. "Am I making you nervous?"

That she was the one to start this conversation says a lot, but he's far too hyper-aware of his sphere of influence to miss the way she shies like a horse about to spook.

[shes_biochem]

"I'm sorry, I should have prefaced the conversation with this," Simmons admits, hand fluttering near her forehead as she winces, thinking that she's been so awfully rude and tense lately and this is hardly an excuse, but she should know better. "I know who you are," she admits. "And I'm a big fan of your work, I really am. I read your papers and notes under my covers with a flashlight more times than I can count."

"I also know about your other experiments," she says, decorously.

[dayswithoutincident]

"Ah," Bruce replies, and slips his hands into his pockets as he rocks back on his heels. He's never quite figured out how to talk to people about his...condition. He simply can't be as laissez-faire about it as Tony, not when the Other Guy is a constant living, breathing part of himself.

"I'm flattered," he finally settles on with a little nod her way. "That you're a fan. And you don't have to worry, about the other thing. If that was what was worrying you. Do you work for S.H.I.E.L.D.?" It has to be that or the military, although these days Bruce is having trouble discerning the difference.

[shes_biochem]

"Yes, I do," she says, barely managing to stop herself before her reply is, 'I did' because she doesn't want to be the person who blurts out that S.H.I.E.L.D. has all but crumbled and taken with it so many of the things she'd held near, dear, and secure. "I wish I could say that I can stop worrying, now, but I'm afraid I always worry a little bit. It goes with the territory," she confesses.

She offers a half-hearted smile. "I'm Jemma Simmons," she introduces herself.

[dayswithoutincident]

"Well, if I faulted you for that, it would be pretty hypocritical of me," says Bruce, smiling to ease some of her concern and then finding he can't be disingenuous about it. The curve of his lips is small and tempered with resignation, but he does reach to shake her hand, his own warm and sincere in its firm grip over her fingers.

"Very nice to meet you, Jemma," he says, and then pulls his hand away perhaps a second too soon. It's become odd, he realizes, to physically touch another person. "But I do have to say that I'm a little worried now myself. What exactly are you waiting for the all clear on?"

[shes_biochem]

Simmons doesn't want to be the herald of this sort of bad news. It's not her place to tell, especially when she thinks that Dr. Banner surely has several levels on her when it comes to their classification (at least, he had when the levels still existed). "I'm not entirely sure I should be the one telling you this," is what she admits, because she knows for a fact she can't tell him about Director Fury and probably shouldn't talk about Agent Coulson, which leaves precious little for them to discuss. "If you were adamant about wanting to know, I suppose I could, but you have to be absolutely certain you want to be let out of the dark," she insists.

[dayswithoutincident]

The turn of phrase strikes him as particularly odd, notable–The idea that he's in the dark implies willful subterfuge, that he's been left in that dark on purpose. Not that this is altogether surprising when it's S.H.I.E.L.D. they're talking about, with all of its secrets locked neatly away until someone like Stark or Cap shakes them loose. Once, he'd been satisfied to stay ignorant, far too many of his own problems plaguing his mind without piling S.H.I.E.L.D.'s dubious ethical practices on top of it all. Now, though, the box has been opened–There's no putting any of the demons back inside.

"I think I can pretty firmly say that I'm certain," he replies, and twists his hands against one another as he waits for whatever she has to say.

[shes_biochem]

She nods and takes the first step -- that deep breath that is so utterly important. For other people, it might be nothing at all, but Simmons has been on unsteady ground for so long that a simple breath is what she needs. "I was an agent with S.H.I.E.L.D., plucked from the lab with my partner, Leo Fitz. We were selected by Agent May to serve with Agent Coulson," she says. "Who is very much alive."

"Unfortunately, all of our goals and achievements and aims came crashing to the ground, quite literally in mine and Fitz's case, when Hydra unearthed from whatever hole it had burrowed into. Since then, things have been..."

Now, what is the word for it? "Difficult," she selects and says with an emphatic nod.

[dayswithoutincident]

The absent wringing of his hands stops, and Bruce goes suddenly and utterly still. He hardly hears the last half of what Simmons has said from the rush of his pulse loud in his ears, and for a moment he forgets to breathe. He ought to be overjoyed to hear that Coulson is alive, but instead, all he can think is how Fury had manipulated them all, manipulated him in ways which were unconscionable. As if they were somehow incapable of finding the proper motivation to save the planet from annihilation.

Abruptly, he lets out a breath, and while his mouth was twisted into a grimace of distaste, his posture has relaxed again. It isn't Simmons' fault; he understands well enough that she, too, is discovering her role as a cog in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s machine.

"Maybe it's better that you're here," he says.

[shes_biochem]

"I really think so, too," she agrees, trying to take solace in the fact that someone is giving her justification as to why she's not a coward for hiding here. Time will go on and Fitz will...well, probably never recover, but he will be alive, and Simmons will be ready to cope with that, but it's not yet. She's not ready yet and the Nexus allows her to take it all in and breathe.

She gives Dr. Banner a wince of a look. "I know I just gave you a lot on your plate. Really, I'd rather be discussing your work with you instead of this whole mess."

[dayswithoutincident]

"It isn't your fault," Bruce replies, his accompanying sigh thoroughly resigned. "It shouldn't have fallen to you to tell me any of this." Even as he says this, watching her dubious expression, he suspects that on some level she was very well aware of it already.

He would much prefer to segue into a discussion about his work, as well, if only because he feels steadier on his own two feet that way, and being unsteady is generally something he tries to avoid. Simmons' answer had been far too vague, though, and after the revelation about Coulson, Bruce isn't sure he's capable of changing the topic of conversation so easily.

"When you say that things have been difficult," he starts again watching her intently, "what exactly did you mean by that?"

[shes_biochem]

Simmons stares down at her hands in front of her, examining the lines and marks on her hands, thinking of how she hadn't been able to stop them shaking for so long after the incident. "There were five of us," she says. "We were handpicked to be part of Agent Coulson's team for varying skills that we might be able to offer. It was all going so well," she says, as if disbelieving how it could all fall apart so easily.

"Except when that message went out summoning Hydra from the underbelly of S.H.I.E.L.D., it turned out that one of ours was Hydra," she says. "And he sunk my partner and I to the bottom of the ocean in an attempt to kill us. It's Fitz's ingenuity and Director Fury's presence that have let me be here today, but it's not without its costs. What Ward did..." She shakes her head, the anger welling up in her as it has since it happened. "I'm sorry," she says. "This is a lot for me to put on you and we've only just met."

[dayswithoutincident]

"Wait," Bruce says, hastily waving off her last statement, glad that anyone is telling him anything at all. "Did you say Hydra? Hydra has infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

It makes a sickening amount of sense when he considers it, not just their dubious morality but the tech they've been getting from Stark under the auspices of 'preparedness.' He wonders if Cap knows, and then mentally chastises himself for ever, even vaguely, imagining that Steve Rogers might willingly work for Hydra.

"Is Fury...?" he prompts.

[shes_biochem]

"I think you're using far too much present tense," she offers apologetically. "If I were going to be accurate about this," Simmons insists (and she is a fan of accuracy and two decimal places), "then we would have to say that Hydra had infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. since the 1940's and has continued to grow their operation until recently when they unearthed."

She tilts her head to the side curiously. "Is he Hydra? Oh! No, no, he's not," she quickly insists. "Or if he is, he's working against himself quite spectacularly."

[dayswithoutincident]

Bruce's only response to that is a low hum, vague enough to be either agreement or uncertainty. They only thing he knows for a fact about Nick Fury right now is that he's a very powerful man, and that he has no qualms about lying to get a job done.

"Who knows about this?" he asks, eyes sharply watching Simmons. "When was it, last time you were home?"

[shes_biochem]

"The last time I was home was June of 2014," Simmons replies, thinking warily of how much she doesn't like to think about being home. After all, being home means watching Fitz degrade and be that version of himself that keeps trying so hard to be his old self, which only seems exacerbated around her. "As far as who knows...well, the entire world does, Dr. Banner," she admits. "Both S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra are a tad wanted, so to speak."