It just seems that upstream I keep rowing

[dayswithoutincident]

Manage your expectations. It's a simple enough concept, but one a lot of people struggle with, and Bruce Banner is no exception. There's a trick to it, of stepping apart from yourself and finding true objectivity, of having the strength to recognize your own weaknesses and strengths.

What Bruce hadn't realized until recently, however, was that when it came to his own life, expectations involving any degree of reasonable normalcy were so far removed that they might as well have been on another planet. Another planet in another universe, actually, but only if it was one about fifty trillion lightyears away and at least ten thousand years from producing anything resembling intelligent life.

At this point, Bruce isn't sure what reasonable expectations for the average person would even consist of, but he's pretty sure he can rule out accidentally tripping through wormholes to alternate dimensions. What he's also sure of is that it says a lot about him (and how much time he's been spending with Stark) that it hadn't shocked him much to step out of his bathroom and find himself at Pocket Universe Inn. He has colleagues who use robotic suits and giant hammers to fly; it's probably past time to redefine what 'normal' means.

Not that it didn't occur to him that he should probably be a little worried about the whole benevolent way station vibe of the place. There's apparently some kind of celestial philanthropist of unknown motive providing his room and board, but overall it's calm and quiet, and there are dozens of ways out. He hopes it doesn't come to it, but if all else fails, he can take a running leap into the abyss. It's more than he can say for where he came from.

This is his third day, and he's still deep in the thrall of new discovery, a quiet figure skirting awkwardly around other guests on his way outside. On the lawn he pauses, face upturned like a child. The view of the sky is still breathtaking, the infinite cosmos bending around their little island like a stream parting over a stone.

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[dayswithoutincident]

The absent wringing of his hands stops, and Bruce goes suddenly and utterly still. He hardly hears the last half of what Simmons has said from the rush of his pulse loud in his ears, and for a moment he forgets to breathe. He ought to be overjoyed to hear that Coulson is alive, but instead, all he can think is how Fury had manipulated them all, manipulated him in ways which were unconscionable. As if they were somehow incapable of finding the proper motivation to save the planet from annihilation.

Abruptly, he lets out a breath, and while his mouth was twisted into a grimace of distaste, his posture has relaxed again. It isn't Simmons' fault; he understands well enough that she, too, is discovering her role as a cog in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s machine.

"Maybe it's better that you're here," he says.

[shes_biochem]

"I really think so, too," she agrees, trying to take solace in the fact that someone is giving her justification as to why she's not a coward for hiding here. Time will go on and Fitz will...well, probably never recover, but he will be alive, and Simmons will be ready to cope with that, but it's not yet. She's not ready yet and the Nexus allows her to take it all in and breathe.

She gives Dr. Banner a wince of a look. "I know I just gave you a lot on your plate. Really, I'd rather be discussing your work with you instead of this whole mess."

[dayswithoutincident]

"It isn't your fault," Bruce replies, his accompanying sigh thoroughly resigned. "It shouldn't have fallen to you to tell me any of this." Even as he says this, watching her dubious expression, he suspects that on some level she was very well aware of it already.

He would much prefer to segue into a discussion about his work, as well, if only because he feels steadier on his own two feet that way, and being unsteady is generally something he tries to avoid. Simmons' answer had been far too vague, though, and after the revelation about Coulson, Bruce isn't sure he's capable of changing the topic of conversation so easily.

"When you say that things have been difficult," he starts again watching her intently, "what exactly did you mean by that?"

[shes_biochem]

Simmons stares down at her hands in front of her, examining the lines and marks on her hands, thinking of how she hadn't been able to stop them shaking for so long after the incident. "There were five of us," she says. "We were handpicked to be part of Agent Coulson's team for varying skills that we might be able to offer. It was all going so well," she says, as if disbelieving how it could all fall apart so easily.

"Except when that message went out summoning Hydra from the underbelly of S.H.I.E.L.D., it turned out that one of ours was Hydra," she says. "And he sunk my partner and I to the bottom of the ocean in an attempt to kill us. It's Fitz's ingenuity and Director Fury's presence that have let me be here today, but it's not without its costs. What Ward did..." She shakes her head, the anger welling up in her as it has since it happened. "I'm sorry," she says. "This is a lot for me to put on you and we've only just met."

[dayswithoutincident]

"Wait," Bruce says, hastily waving off her last statement, glad that anyone is telling him anything at all. "Did you say Hydra? Hydra has infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

It makes a sickening amount of sense when he considers it, not just their dubious morality but the tech they've been getting from Stark under the auspices of 'preparedness.' He wonders if Cap knows, and then mentally chastises himself for ever, even vaguely, imagining that Steve Rogers might willingly work for Hydra.

"Is Fury...?" he prompts.

[shes_biochem]

"I think you're using far too much present tense," she offers apologetically. "If I were going to be accurate about this," Simmons insists (and she is a fan of accuracy and two decimal places), "then we would have to say that Hydra had infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. since the 1940's and has continued to grow their operation until recently when they unearthed."

She tilts her head to the side curiously. "Is he Hydra? Oh! No, no, he's not," she quickly insists. "Or if he is, he's working against himself quite spectacularly."

[dayswithoutincident]

Bruce's only response to that is a low hum, vague enough to be either agreement or uncertainty. They only thing he knows for a fact about Nick Fury right now is that he's a very powerful man, and that he has no qualms about lying to get a job done.

"Who knows about this?" he asks, eyes sharply watching Simmons. "When was it, last time you were home?"

[shes_biochem]

"The last time I was home was June of 2014," Simmons replies, thinking warily of how much she doesn't like to think about being home. After all, being home means watching Fitz degrade and be that version of himself that keeps trying so hard to be his old self, which only seems exacerbated around her. "As far as who knows...well, the entire world does, Dr. Banner," she admits. "Both S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra are a tad wanted, so to speak."