all_inclusive | the moon was bright

She had found a door, finally, which made her heart sing, her blood stir in her veins. However high the ceilings may be in her room, however expansive the hotel grounds, they were still too contained, small. She was used to endless horizons and unknown territory, and the hotel was somewhat suffocating in that regard.

But this, here. A small door that she had seemed to just notice (or had it appeared once her longing became strong enough?) down the hall from her quarters, which she had to duck slightly in order to walk through. It had been carved from apple wood, with designs of flowers and fruit curling around the door handle. Once through, aware of the fickle nature of the Nexus, she had propped the door open with a large rock.

She had appeared out of the side of a rocky hillside, a natural formation which in her own land would have been used as some sort of watchtower or signal top. All around Tauriel was spring. Flowers were beginning to grow through the damp grass, and the air smelt fresh and warm. After a few trips through the door Tauriel felt comfortable enough to visit it often, with only her daggers and no other weapon.

This time, it was night. She found a spot on the boulders she could comfortably half sit, half lay upon, and she looked up at a glowing profusion of stars she did not recognize. She ached at their familiarity all the same, though; them and the heavy moon hanging low in the sky. There was more than enough starlight and moonlight to see by and, humming a soft melody to herself, she began to slowly braid her hair.

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While it wasn't rare for someone else to be braiding her hair, it was unusual; Tauriel was used to doing most things on her own. Fili's hands seemed deft and competent, though, and she did not feel a single snag or pull as he worked through her hair. It was actually somewhat relaxing.

She did not really need to think over her answer, but she did give pause, for the purpose of at least showing she was not answering recklessly. "Ask me whatever you like, Master Dwarf," she said, politely. "I like to think of us as friends, if you do not find it too forward, yourself."

He knew it would be forward because it presumed much about her relationship with his brother and it was something he was not sure he knew how to probe. "Of late, Kili has been somewhat absent. In fact, I think this is the longest we've been apart and while I know his spirit longs for adventure, I would hope that he would return by now. I had hoped, perhaps, that you had seen him in the last few days whether here in a world or at the Nexus."

Tauriel turned her head aside, for a moment, in response. Her lips tightened, but after a moment, she was forced to shake her head slightly. "I am sorry," she said, in a voice that reflected not only her own feelings, but her sympathies over how Fili must be feeling as well. "I have not seen him. In fact, I had hoped you had."

He allowed her the turn and loosened his grip on her hair, all too aware of the yank and pull and pain it gave to do otherwise. "No," he said quietly. "It is the first time in so long that we are separated and I find myself not knowing what to do with myself. I cannot return to Middle Earth to seek him. I had hoped to ask if you would. Perhaps, somehow, he has found his way home," he said, though there was little hope in his words.

Tauriel was silent. To return could be dangerous but, moreso, it could be painful. But then again, was it not tenfold for Fili? Did she not owe it to him and her own sense of security to do as he asked?

But of course, there were things to consider. Matters she had to handle delicately. The line of Durin had fallen back home, and she was unaccustomed to discussing someone's death with them - especially if she wasn't sure whether they were aware of it or not. "Are you..." she stopped, then tried again. "I stay within this place because I cannot yet face the world through my own door. To search there for Kili would be folly. I would be glad to seek him out, but we must find another door."

"There is no door I would be given that would lead back to that world," Fili said, a dark look overcast upon his face as he spoke about the things that waited for him there, because there was only his death. He did not have a life to return to, but Tauriel did. Then, perhaps it would be folly.

In truth, what he really sought were the Halls of Mandos, but that bore a finality that Fili was not sure he was ready to accept. "There is the other elf. What of him? Could he not go?"

"Perhaps there is another door we could find, here? One which Kili might have entered," Tauriel suggested. "And... I do not know about Legolas. I think his door may be even more far removed than ours. But I shall ask him."

Fili granted a nod of deferred respect for her offers of help. He wished to remain positive, but Thorin had taught him reality and pragmatism, growing up. If he was to be a king one day, he would need to be good to accept things for what they were and he had a bad feeling about all of this. "He would probably get lost exploring and forget to find his way back," he said, trying to play at being dumb and hopeful, for once.

Tauriel allowed a small smile to reach her lips. "Haven't we all done that, in some way?" she asked. Being at the Nexus was a way for Tauriel to get lost - willingly, but lost nonetheless. The further removed she was from home, the harder it was to feel heartache.

Something made her want to console Fili, though. Perhaps because, young as she was, loss was something the elves knew well, immortal as they were. "When I was much younger, I used to wander up into the trees," she said. "Climb to the tallest branches until the ground was just a dream below. I do not know your brother as well as I would like, but I would not put it past him to wander in such a regard to sate a curious longing. But eventually he will remember the ground below, and come back."

"I only hope he remembers me," Fili admitted quietly, for it was a lonely life that spanned out before him to think of the Nexus without Kili. He had not been without his brother since before he was born and it ached now to have that hole in his life in a way that he cannot quite understand or cope with, yet. "Everything here has been wrong without him. I do not know how to move forward."

"If there is one thing this place gives us, it is the time to make decisions in our own time," Tauriel replied. That was why she was there, of course; hiding, yes, but also thinking. She knew it was odd to be immortal and worried about the passage of time, but it was the world around her - its eventual death and decay - that upset her.

the moon was bright

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