come on in and save me; come on

[makestheplans]

As soon as Katniss is sedated, I vanish. I kept it together in front of her, but once she's passed out I can feel myself start to crack. Heavensbee's looking at me; Prim's looking at me; I have to get out.

There's no booze in Thirteen, that's what they say. Coin's rules— but where there's a will, there's a way, and right now I need it so bad I don't care if I have to tear the entire place apart to find it. The kitchen's too obvious— but I know where there are storage closets, caches of supplies. An easy place to hide a bottle, if you had one you wanted to hide.

I push through door after door, barely hearing the noise of them banging shut behind me. The echoes are too loud in my head— Peeta screaming, hoarse and ragged with his hands wrapped around Katniss's throat; her sobs, desperate gulping gasps that only quieted when they put the IV in her arm. My own breath comes loud and sharp; my vision greys, my brain full of static, and I stagger, bracing myself against the wall with a trembling hand. The only thing that'll silence the noise is a drink. I shake my head to clear it, focusing on the door ahead.

I'm so focused on navigating I barely notice when the concrete beneath my feet changes to carpet. When the watery fluorescent light turns brighter, warmer, on the back of my neck. It's not til someone calls out behind me that I turn and realize, panic stabbing sharp in my side— I'm not where I was.

I plaster on a smile, hoping it'll hide the way I'm grinding my teeth. "Think I'm a little lost."

[Find him already in the bar or wandering the halls looking for it.]

Comments

[71st_victor]

Johanna keeps her head up, acting like she's above all of it when really, she just prefers to ignore the people working here because she does, too. She needs to somehow keep herself separate from them, because she's not like them -- mainly because they're not like her and haven't had to live through what she has. Johanna glances up to order her regular, the gin being handed to her with a glass filled with ice cubes.

"It boils down to this," she starts, "you wandered through a door and managed to find the fucked up back door of luxury. If you're lucky, you can figure out which door takes you back and avoid it."

[makestheplans]

I nod, trying to remember which door I came through. It's already lost in the tangle of my memories; maybe I'll recognize it when I see it next? "Guess I'll just have to look both ways before going anywhere," I conclude with a shrug.

A glass gets set in front of me, two big ice cubes floating in dark amber with little bubbles fizzing to the surface, and I take a gulp, ready to protest that I'd said to make it strong when the afterburn hits like fire down my throat. Swallowing, shaking my head, I put the glass back down, my eyes watering. "That's the good stuff," I say, grinning.

A second later I get serious again, looking at her sidelong around a hank of my hair that's fallen into my eyes. "You seen anyone else from home since you came here?" I'm almost afraid of the answer.

[71st_victor]

Johanna shrugs, like she's somehow responsible for bringing Haymitch here and to the alcohol when really, she knows that she's not even close to being in charge of this place. She works to its demands just like anyone else, and she tries to ignore how very much like the Capitol that sounds. "There's plenty of us here," she agrees, running her fingers around the glass. "Katniss," she says, with a touch of bitterness, as she knows Katniss always gets the attention. "Effie, Finnick, and even his girl. For a while, Peeta was around, but I haven't seen him lately. Guess he got to go back and have more fun," she notes, voice dripping with sardonic disdain.