all_inclusive | why does it hurt so much?

She was still covered in rock dust. She tasted it and the ghost of blood in her mouth. They had told her that his body would need to be prepared for burial. They had likely said it as kindly as they could, but all Tauriel could feel and understand was that he was growing colder, and without the warmth from her own hands he would soon be pale and still as stone. That was to be the end of him.

But the runestone was still warm. It had been warm when he had given it to her, heated from his own body, and she had never let it grow cold since. She did not realize she had kept it – she had meant to leave it in his hand, or had she? – until she was walking through the rocky hillside, and then she was running, or at least trying to run with her injuries. She could force her body, now, even though it made her angry to think that it had failed her when she had needed it most – how, no matter how hard she'd tried, she could not get up from the ground to stop Kíli's death blow.

Could she disappear into the mountains? She wanted escape, and maybe she wanted to descend deep down into the stone, away from the light. While her home had been carved from rock in Mirkwood, it was open, not contained and stuffy. She didn't like the idea of going too deep underground, but now she found the idea of it heartening. Not out of despair, but out of an urge to feel closer to a dwarf she had suddenly lost.

And then suddenly, she was lost.

The people – so many people. And the noise. Nothing to the crash of battle and yet too much for her to deal with. It was easy, at least, not to be noticed; easy to be ignored and therefore easier to ignore what was going on around her. She had been inside of a building, so strange and foreign to her, and while it did not occur to her to feel terrified – she felt beyond that – she did not like it.

There was no mountain but there was sky. She knelt on a hilly piece of land, in the dark, away from the festivities. She took bracing breaths of chilly air, and looked up. Hours she spent, considering what had happened but not caring. She knew something foreign and untoward had occurred, and she had stepped beyond what she knew. The fireworks were abrupt and explosive and startled her, but the cheering from the guests told her to take it calmly, and she did. Still she hunkered at the outskirts of the revel, until the noise began to die down, the music stopped, the people slowly trickled away and the grounds were quiet.

She felt empty, but really she was just alone. She ought to tend to her wounds, and yet it did not occur to her. Let everything fester, let her wither away. She palmed the runestone in her hand; it felt much heavier, more formed, than the rest of her body. Tauriel thought she was done with crying, but she wasn't. At the very least, though, she wept silently, as she waited for the dawn.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"The dwarf keeps to himself. He is not fond of elves, mind, and especially not of my father, but he seeks no quarrel with me. We are cordial, anyway." Legolas longed for the sort of friendship he had with Gimli after being a part of the Company of the Ring but it was not meant to be. The enmity between elves and dwarves ran deep and spanned generations. It was not so easily repaired.

"The men seem to not mind my being here. I have had no experience with war save the battle you just came from. Not since arriving here."

Her smile was a bit tight, at the continued mention of dwarves. "They are an interesting people," she said, simply. Her involvement with them was more or less finished, she supposed; and even if that wasn't the case, she would do well to avoid them in future. Though it would be unfair to pin it simply on dwarves - in reality Tauriel had no intention in giving her heart out to anyone anymore, be they Dwarf, Elf, or Man.

"I have had my fill of battle," she added. "For now. Perhaps a skirmish, soon enough..." and she gave him a small, but teasing, grin.

"We would not want your blades to go dull or your keen eye to miss a target," Legolas teased back. It was good to have some of his own people back here in the Nexus. He had been adrift for a long while, both as a part of the Company of the Ring and now here in the Nexus and it had been too long since he had an elf to fellowship with. No matter how close he was to others, how dear he considered them, nobody would understand him the way one of his own people could.

"I have missed the company of my people. I did not realize how much I missed it until I saw you here, Tauriel."

"That would be a travesty, indeed; then what use would I have, then? We both know I would be useless at any other occupation." She smiled at him. Though things had been awkward sometimes, of late, she still considered his friendship to be very dear to her, and not something she let go of lightly. It was good he felt the same. "I am glad I can be of some comfort, then. Have you been going native without any of our kin to keep you in check?"

"Not as such, no. I fear I have become more comfortable in the company of men than I ever thought possible." Spending time with younger races made him feel young again himself. Though Legolas was not so terribly old for an elf, he still felt the weariness of age settle upon him as his ties to Middle Earth grew fainter and he felt the draw of the sea. Here in the Nexus, he had not felt such an urge.

"The younger races make me laugh and make my heart light and for that, I am grateful."

The elves of Mirkwood had always been rather secular, though they did healthy trade with the men of Esgaroth and other places. It pleased Tauriel to hear that Legolas had broadened his horizons slightly - not that she herself had accomplished it, but it was always something she wanted to do.

"You are not yet so ancient, mellon, that you should be immune to laughter," she teased. "But I am glad they lighten your heart. It has always seemed so heavy."

It was sweet music to hear the tongue of elves once more on someone's lips and sweeter still to hear mellon from a dear friend. Legolas reached for her hand and squeezed it lightly.

"It has been heavy. I feel that it is lighter now, with you here. I am glad for it."

Her smile grew even broader yet. Though he was older than her, and the son of the King, he had never failed to lift her heart and spirits. Though nothing like romantic love ever touched her, her fondness for Legolas was still vibrant and strong. And though she was happy she knew she must clear the air.

"I have failed you during these dark times," she said, her smile flickering, slightly. "I am sorry for it. I brought you out into the world and incurred your father's wrath because of it. But know that I am forever grateful for your help." And for his understanding, of course. He had seemed to know what was going through her mind long before she even realized it.

"My father's wrath was something boiling beneath the surface anyway," Legolas said, waving it off. "While I love my father, we disagree on some very important points and it took your guidance, among other things, to help me see that."

Leoglas touched her hand lightly. "Do not be sorry for that and do not think you have failed me. You could not ever fail me."

Tauriel had found difficulty with Thranduil as well, enough that she had disobeyed him when all she owed him was loyalty and even love for all he had done for her. She was still somewhat ashamed of that, though she didn't regret her actions; she just wished she hadn't had to commit them in the first place.

"I hope you settle with him, sometime," she said, gently. "The world is dim without family."

"Someday, I imagine we will. We have the luxury of time," Legolas said. It was one of the advantages of being an elf, he supposed, though he imagined that the younger races were lucky in that they patched up their differences quickly and spent their days caring for one another instead of fighting.

"We are also, unfortunately, both very stubborn."

Tauriel smiled, faintly, at the mention of time. The thing was, for the first time in a long time she had had the inkling she may not live forever, and it unsettled her. "That may be so," she said, "but I can't imagine any amount of stubbornness your father has would prevail at the aspect of going without his son."

"No, but I mean to make him work for it." Legolas' mouth tipped up just a tiny bit, just a suggestion of a smile.

"I am so glad you are here, Tauriel. My heart is lighter just knowing you are safe."

why does it hurt so much?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject