all_inclusive | if we can make it to the morning

It burns.

Her lungs burn as she runs, pushing her body to go further with every stride. She doesn't know how long she's been running, but it makes her muscles quiver and tremble and make her feel like she's doing something. She hasn't wanted to face the reality of going back, but that door still lurks there and it's showing up more and more, lately. Every time Johanna pulls open a door, she has to close it on the cannons of the games and the countdown that seems to want to draw her back in. This morning, she'd woken up and she couldn't take it anymore.

Once the doors had been cleared of danger, she'd put on her running shoes and she'd taken off. That had been two hours ago and now she's breathless as she pulls in deep wracks of desperate breaths, thinking that if she runs a little harder, she can escape the demon on her back that's so eager to yank her back. Eventually, she can't do anything more and when her legs give out from under her, she's near the garden where she'd buried her axe. Her hands collapse in the dirt and she leans forward, thinking that if this were the Games, this would be the perfect time to take out the competition.

And that's the problem, isn't it?

No matter how far she runs, no matter how hard, they're always going to be there. This place is a happy little hideout, but it's not reality. One day, Johanna is going to go back, if only so she can bury her axe in Snow's face and that thought, more than anything else, is what drives her to start digging with her shaking hands to get lower and to find her axe. Sweat pours over her forehead as she works, her determination stubbornly driving her on and maybe it's the adrenaline, but she's starting to think that even if she does have to go back eventually, she might just be okay.

Denial, though, has always been a victor's best friend and Johanna is far too aware of that sad little fact.

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Peeta isn't oblivious to the door here. In fact, earlier this month he'd inadvertently stepped through it, finding himself in the arena with Finnick again. He's been struggling with nightmares more frequently since he got back to the hotel, but in his daily life it comes through more in the exhaustion on his face. He knows that this place is temporary. He's always known that it's temporary, but he's attempted to make the most of it while he can.

He's wrapping up a morning spent in the kitchen when he catches a glimpse of someone in the garden. He takes a second look and sees that it's Johanna. He steps outside, approaching without any attempt at being quiet (as if he could manage quiet if he tried). He knows better than to sneak up on a victor.

"Johanna?"

The first thing that flies through Johanna's mind when she hears his voice is threat, which isn't something she should think anymore, after so long stuck in this hotel together. The problem is that her mind isn't working normally. It's in survival mode, now, and Peeta is another victor. If it weren't for their alliance, she would have put the sharp end of her blade in his head, just to stay alive.

This place is different, though, so even though her instincts calm down, she keeps digging with steady determination. "Peeta," she greets, steely and giving him a brief acknowledgement. "Here to take care of the plants?"

And while Peeta is approaching with caution, he wouldn't at all be prepared for an attack. He doesn't have a weapon and he hasn't kept up with any sort of combat training while here. He does stay wary, keeping his distance, making sure Johanna can see both of his hands.

"Just heading back to my room from work. I saw you out here and thought I'd say hi."

"Look, you remembered how to say hello. I'd give you a prize, but I'm fresh out," she says flippantly, casting her words off like they aren't the sharp things they are. "Where do you work?" She should probably pay more attention, but Johanna's mindset has always been focused on her own survival and Peeta's workplace doesn't exactly factor into that.

Peeta gives her one of those flat 'really' sort of looks. Her barbs don't bother him. He knows enough to expect them from her. "The kitchen. A lot of what you eat, I make, especially the baked goods." Since they're kind of his speciality. He's done a few other things, mostly meat pies and stews, but most of the time he sticks to breads and desserts.

It's okay. He hasn't kept up much with what she's doing either, more that she's still here and is surviving. "What have you been up to?" You know, for work or whatever.

She's sure Katniss had told her, but Johanna filters information in and out in the order of which things matter to her. Where Peeta works? Fairly useless, if she's honest, but it's information she tucks away in the event she needs someone in the kitchen. She goes back to her digging, just as he's asking her what she's up to and she knows she probably won't get away with fibbing. At least, not with another victor. "I'm getting my weapon out of retirement, just in case."

Just in case a door comes and she has to fight, just in case she has to go back, just in case she can change the future.

Most people are that way, but perhaps Johanna more so. He watches, keeping his distance. Once she offers her explanation, he nods. "Planning on keeping it at hand?"

He'd accidentally stepped through that door, ended up in the arena with Finnick. He understands that drive to protect yourself. Of course, Peeta's drive to protect himself and those he loves generally drive him to make allies.

"With those doors showing up more and more? I'd be an idiot not to," she says, her sharp-edged bitterness not meant for Peeta, but for whatever cruel fate is driving them towards that place again. She's been narrowly avoiding it, but one of these days she's going to trip and fall back into the arena and she's not going helplessly, not this time. "This place, it's only ever been a reprieve, isn't it?" she admits. "It's just delaying the inevitable."

He nods a little. He does understand in the way that only someone who has lived through the Games can. He doesn't take her bitterness and sharp edges personally. Hell, at this point, he expects sharp edges from Johanna. He'd wonder what she was trying to get out of him if she were any other way. He hesitates because he doesn't like to think of it that way, but she's right. He finally nods. "Yeah. Eventually, we have to go back and deal with what we left behind."

Whatever that is, and he's not looking forward to it.

if we can make it to the morning

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